Bredow's Thank You Note from 2006

I also would like to send my thanks to everyone for the trip. Who would have thought that twelve guys in Palm Springs could have such a great time! Wait ... that didn't come out right. Well, you know what I mean. I am finding myself daydreaming at work about tee shots, club selection, and those beautiful courses.

I have to give special thanks to Montecor, the only person with the patience and passion to put together such a remarkable trip year after year. Thanks for doing this once again Dave. It's an honor for a hack like myself to be invited. I hope the king size bed and the low scores were enough thanks for all your hard work.

To The Great White, your great golf game and easy going attitude inspire me. I look forward to my golf lessons from you someday in addition to receiving that herd of camels in return for my daughters hand in marriage to Andrew. And for the record, who would ever bet big on a six four suited before the flop? I don't care what John says.

To John "team mom" Sandoval, thanks for the sandwiches and orange slices. Not to mention the steak, salad, and pork chops. You have the gift of hospitality and you use it well. It made it hard to be mad at you for keeping me awake with all that snoring. And seriously, the six four suited was brilliant. I don't care what Brian says.

Thanks To Scott Rojas who allowed John Heddon and I to be in the presence of greatness. Shadow Ridge was the greatest example of grace under fire as Scott fired the most nonchalant 78 (or whatever it was) I've ever seen in my life. Only Scott could hit that "one in a million shot" 78 times in a row. And to John for not sneezing in my backswing. Twice.

Thanks to "Cool Carl" Lachman for being such a gentleman (despite that one round where you burped or farted in the middle of every backswing), even going so far as to let me hit your golf ball out of the sand when I couldn't find my own. At least we think that might have happened.

To Dave "Long Drive" Deboe who continues to amaze me with his play. It's always a pleasure to watch you play and to match up with you in poker. I have only three parting words for you. Ball go far.

Thanks to my chauffer Mark "Boomis" Loomis who carted me around all weekend. You drink a buttload of Gatorade, my friend. I commend you on your vastly improved ball striking and your new fancy set of clubs. It must be true that spending money on your game without practice is the quickest and most effective way to improve your game.

To Mike Hernandez, my nemesis. You played fantastic. Thanks for the great pad to crash in and the words of encouragement on the golf course. Nice touch on the matching final round 92 - great way to end our not so bitter rivalry.

Thanks to Dave "Card Shark" Chitty. No matter what I had in my hand I was always afraid to go in against you. I don't know why that is. Maybe it's that friendly smile you always have. It's a pleasure on the golf course, but a bit unsettling in poker.

Lastly my thanks to Jason "Babs" Barbieri. Fantastic golf and a great attitude. It's always so fun to see you and catch up on life. And seriously, that last hole on Firecliff was awesome. Kudos to you shelving your pride and pandering to the unruly crowd. You have earned all of our respect with your phenomenal perserverance.

So that's it for me for 2006. Once again I thank you all for allowing me to hack up the course alongside so many great golfers. My theory of playing once a year paid off again with another personal best. Next year I'm gunning for 89!

Dennis

Chitty's Thank You Note from 2006

Thanks to every one of you for adding immeasurable pleasure to my pathetic, unexciting life last weekend.

Thanks to Dave Little for finding the will and the way to get it all done.

Thanks to John Sandoval for inspiring me to stand my ground when all around me are howling their displeasure at my actions.

Thanks to Brian White for the light in the darkness.

Thanks to Scott Rojas for showing all of us that breakfast burritos probably are the actual "breakfast of champions".

Thanks to Dennis Bredow for reminding us that a great sense of humor probably is better for you than even the breakfast of champions.

Thanks to Jason for taking me off the hook as giving the worst performance at Desert Willow (was that really a 16 on number 18?)

Thanks to Dave Deboe for the kind instruction in just about everything.

Thanks to Mike Hernandez for lining up the palace.

Thanks to Mark Loomis for the kind words.

Thanks to Carl "Iceman" Lachman for modeling even-tempered behavior at all times and for imspiring me toward completely clean and responsible living. Even so I still can't do it.

Thanks to John Heddon for stepping in for Angelo - sort of a kinder gentler Ted, so he has that going for him, which is nice.

Gunga-la-gunga.

Have a great summer - see you next fall

Day of Purpose

Alright guys, it’s that time. For the last day of purpose, I give you my favorite poem. Lots of application to golf here, especially the part about meeting triumph and disaster. I promise you there will be plenty of both in the desert.

Finally, in the words of Tom Kausrud, along with Chitty one of the founders of this tradition:

If it goes right it’s a slice,
If it goes left it’s a hook,
If it goes straight it’s a miracle!

See you in the desert.

Montecore

IF

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master,
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling

Day of Purpose

Hi guys,

Hope your long weekend is going well and that you’re barbecuing a bunch – or at least getting to eat it.

Looks like there will be more barbecuing going on toward the end of the week. I’ve been checking the weather and here are the projected temperatures for Wednesday through Sunday: 106, 107, 108, 106, 107.

So this could be the hottest year yet, which is nice. I remember one year I saw 114 degrees on the thermometer on Washington just north of Fred Waring, so that’s the record so far. Whoever’s riding with me in the cart during the Friday afternoon round will have an idea of the temperature pretty easily. At 106, the hair on my arm starts to cook off. It’s a sight to see, but I’ll tell you it’s not the best thing you’ve ever smelled.

Alright, back to watching the Dodger game. Pretty fun to watch when they send 17 guys to the plate in the first two innings. I think even Lance Carter and Odalis Perez could hold onto this lead.

Dave

Day of Purpose

Caddie Responses
# 10
Golfer "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy "Think you can keep your head down that long?"
# 9
Golfer "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
# 8
Golfer "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
# 7
Golfer "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy "Eventually."
# 6
Golfer "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
# 5
Golfer "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a
distraction."
Caddy "It's not a watch - it's a compass."
# 4
Golfer "How do you like my game?"
Caddy "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."
# 3
Golfer "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"
Caddy "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."
# 2
Golfer "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."
# 1 Best Caddy Comment
Golfer "That can't be my ball, it's too old,"
Caddy "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."

Day of Purpose

Today, we’re starting a little game of “Who Said It?”

Here’s the first quote.

So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one -- big hitter, the Lama -- long, into a ten-thousand foot crevice, right at the base of this glacier. And do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga...gunga -- gunga galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

Day of Purpose

Got a complaint today that one of you was missing the Day of Purpose. It’s nice to be missed.

Today, we explore the economics of the golf trip so that we can all feel good about doing our part to keep the country’s finances in good shape. Here’s a list of some things I know people will be contributing to the economy as a result of the trip.


Lachman
trying to buy a game in the shape of new Mizuno irons $700

Rojas
therapist bills to heal from trauma of hearing me
whine about the trip in his office every day $2,000

Chitty
trip to Bandon Dunes the weekend after the
Palm Springs trip to make sure the
scores he posted in the desert are legit $2,000

Hernandez
new irons after demo-ing Little's Armour 845's 500

using free clubs from Brian (which forces Brian to
buy new ones (see below) 600

Sandoval
Steaks and fixin's for 12 (Friday night dinner) 175
Unlimited bikini wax buffet at Marriott Desert Springs 550
Tips for Octavio, his waxer 250

Heddon
Extra sticky club grips 140

Titanium pins to keep his shoulder from separating
when he helicopters clubs down the fairway 2,500

Deboe
postage for letters he mails to the USGA whining
about the unfairness of their handicapping sytem 300
Money he'll pay to Rojas for losing the "Loser pays
for Shadow Ridge" round 55

Bredow
Industrial strength sunscreen 145

Loomis
muscle relaxers to help him slow down his
pace of play on the course 100

Barbieri
guilt offerings to his church for being involved in a trip
where the leader has twisted the "Days of Purpose"
concept to secular use 1,000

Me
5 dozen DT SoLo's that I'll never use to go with
the 1500 balls I have in the garage already 100
Valium to deal with stress involved in trip planning 50
Postcards I send to Angelo trying to get
him to come back next year 25

White
4 day supply of drumsticks 75
new driver for Thursday am round 400
new driver for Thursday pm round 400
new driver for Sunday am round (TaylorMade R7 TP) 800
Poker debt he'll owe me for after the trip 100


GRAND TOTAL $12,965

Day of Purpose

Here’s another e-mail that’s not really related to golf, except that it will allow us to go on the trip for free for the rest of our lives. You guys are really lucky you’re in on the 2006 trip, because I’m not extending this offer to any of my other friends.

Apparently, I’m the unnamed beneficiary in the will of a guy who died in South Africa in a car wreck. I’ll be receiving $168,559,000.00 shortly, but since I’m a generous guy, I want to share the wealth. I know you think this is too good to be true, but I’ve called this guy and he seems really nice. Said he was a Christian and everything. His grammar is pretty bad though.

Anyway, I’d like to use Lachman’s bank account to hold the money, as a kind of gesture to him since he’s frustrated with the e-mails. He can keep the interest. So Carl, when you have a chance, please get me your bank name, address, routing number, and account number. Also throw your PIN in for good measure, along with your mom’s maiden name. I’ll pass the info along to Doctor McCabe.

As soon as I get the info from Lachman and the wire from Dr. McCabe, I’ll get you guys checks for your shares. Watch for them in your mail. The amount will be $14,046,181.33. That’s a 1/12 share of the disbursement, minus $402, which is the cost of this year’s trip. So don’t worry about paying for the trip this year; Dr. McCabe is covering it. I invited him on our 2007 trip by the way.

Dave






FROM: Dr. Ephrem McCabe,
AUDITOR GENERAL
First National Bank 6th floor,
1 First Place Cnr
Simmonds & Pritchard Street,
Johannesburg, Gauteng South Africa.

Attn:

RE:TRANSFER OF USD168,559,000.00 MILLION TO YOUR ACCOUNT.

I feel quite safe dealing with you in this important business. Though, this medium (Internet) has been greatly abused, I choose to reach you through it because it still remains the fastest medium of communication.
However, this correspondence is private, and it should be treated in strict confidence.

My name is Dr. Ephrem McCabe, and I will firstly like to assure you that this transaction is 100% risk and trouble free to both parties. In order to transfer out USD168,559,000.00{ One hundred and sixty eight million five hundred and fifty nine thousand U.S dollar Only } from our bank here in South Africa. The fund for transfer is from clean origin. The owner of the fund is a foreigner, a program leader who was believed to acquire the fund through his secret Crude Oil deal with the Former IRAQI government.

The deceased died with all the members of his family in an auto-accident in June 23, 1999 without a WILL. The amount involved is USD168,559,000.00 I want to transfer this money into your account as the foreign beneficiary of the funds.

I know that this letter will come to you as a surprise as we don't know ourselves before,

BUT BE SURE THAT IT IS REAL AND A GENUINE BUSINESS. I CONTACT YOU BELIEVING THAT YOU WILL NOT LET ME DOWN ONCE THE FUND GOES INTO YOUR ACCOUNT.

I WILL LIKE YOU TO CALL ME ON MY PRIVATE NUMBER FOR IMMEDIATE DISCUSSION.

Let me hear from you,
Thanks & Best regards,
Dr. Ephrem McCabe.
EMAIL:
Tel: 874/ - 763/ - 648/ - 313
Fax: 874/ - 763/ - 648/ - 314

Day of Purpose

This is kind of a loose connection to the golf trip, but Scott and I were talking about this guy this morning. Read to the end to find the connection.

The point is that this is the way life should be lived and sports should be played. It rings true to me, since I’m the only person I know who was stupid enough to leave himself in a baseball game when he was hurting and then break his arm throwing a pitch. The really stupid thing is that I did it twice. What’s the definition of insanity again?


Harold Patrick Reiser was born in 1919 in St. Louis, and by 1941 had become the National League's batting champ with the Brooklyn Dodgers. He's not in the Hall of Fame, but at least one of our country's most prominent sportswriters, W.C. Heinz, says Pete is his “all time guy,” a man who is “what professionalism is all about.” Heinz said, “A professional is someone who makes every play. There's no compromise.” For Reiser, there was no compromise. Carried off the field on a stretcher at least 11 times, given his last rites at least once while playing, concussions, dislocated shoulders, torn muscles, bruises, and scars were all a part of the Pistol's game. He ran a 9.8 second 100-yard dash, he sprinted down the first base line no matter what he hit, he flew into second base blocking out double plays, no matter what big lug was there, he was among the very best in his league in stolen bases, he dove for balls in the outfield, and he crashed into those outfield walls more times than anyone has dared count. As Pete might say, "I'm gonna catch that ball no matter what."

. . . he died in 1981 in Palm Springs, California.

Scott and I will find his grave on the golf trip and put our college spikes on it as a token of our appreciation for guys like this. You can join us if you’d like to.

Day of Purpose #12

Today, in honor of Bono’s 46th birthday, stop and think for a moment about what a dark place the world would be if U2 never existed. Also, read this narrative about the upcoming trip and see how many titles of U2 songs you can pick out.


Some Days are Better than Others, and this year, May 31 will be one of those days. That evening, we will not Stay in our own houses, but will head away from the Ocean like The Wanderer and spend the night In God’s Country. It’ll be A Sort of Homecoming when we Exit the real world and get to the land of Fire in the Heartland of golf in America.

We’ll see at least Three Sunrises while we’re there, but the first One will be the toughest, when I’ll have to keep yelling Wake Up Dead Man to get Deboe away from his teddy bear and his bed. We’ll Rejoice once he’s up, and With a Shout, we’ll head to the Dunes course La Quinta for the first round. I Will Follow Brian’s van. Just don’t go for the pin on 17 if it’s in the Red Light position on the left side of the green by the Endless Deep, or you’ll come in with a Bad score since the ball will be Gone.

Thursday afternoon will be the highlight of the trip: the Mountain Course in the evening. For those of you there for The First Time like Strangers in a Strange Land, The Sweetest Thing will be the back nine in the Twilight. We’ll be in amongst the Shadows and Tall Trees, although I’m sure some of us will wonder at that point, Where Did It All Go Wrong. But there’s always Tomorrow.

Friday will be a great day. I’m already saying Hallelujah since we’re playing Shadow Ridge, and Scott might pay, unless he beats Deboe for all the Silver and Gold. By this day, Bredow will be Numb from Staring at the Sun and getting turned Scarlet by the Ultraviolet rays. Sandoval will be as dark as MLK. When I tell Brian after the round that I repeated my best round ever and shot 74 again, he’ll put his head down and ask, “Is That All? I played like The Fool, and I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For at the top of my backswing. My Pride got the best of me when I accepted the $100 Nassau. I was Out of Control on number 17 and, trying to stay out of the water on the right, I pulled a Lemon into the room of the blond Party Girl we saw last year.”

Saturday we go Helter Skelter all over the desert from Indian Springs to Desert Willow. At Willow, on the One Tree Hill by the 18th green, we’ll revisit the site of the Surrender by Deboe and Angelo to Sandoval and Hernandez. See my earlier e-mail for a full recap.

Then, unfortunately, we’ll hit the last day of the trip. Last year, it was Sunday, Bloody Sunday at Desert Falls, but we have no Desire to see that course again. So Sandoval, If You Wear That Velvet Dress tied up in a knot again and start Dancing Barefoot like a Mexican Acrobat, it’s only because you want to. The same marshal won’t be working at Shadow Hills this year. After the round, we’ll reminisce about the Mysterious Ways of the Palm Springs Golf Trip and the great time we had in 2006. Don’t worry though, it’ll seem like only Seconds until June of 2007 will be here.

Day of Purpose #11

This is late today, but the news is great. First, a little more Scripture for you:

"Lord, Who knowest the hearts of all men, show which one of these two Thou hast
chosen to take the place in this ministry and apostleship from which Judas
turned aside, to go to his own place." And they cast lots for them, and the lot
fell on Matthias; and he was enrolled with the eleven apostles." (Acts 1:12-26
RSV)

In our modern day version of this, you all know who plays the part of Judas. The part of Matthias will be played by a Mr. John Heddon, who tonight committed to go on the trip with us.

A little background on Heddon:

John grew up in La Mirada and went to Biola to play baseball with Rojas and Brian and me. There is a plethora of stories I could tell about our college career, but you’ll hear enough on the trip. We took a spring break road trip to Kettleman City one year, fought in bench-clearing brawls together, fought each other in the back of baseball vans and on waterlogged baseball fields, and once tried to hunt down a run-away felon with a loaded revolver under the seat in my car. He wasn’t with me when I was arrested for discharging a missile from a moving vehicle, but if I’d known him in high school, I’m sure he would have been there that day.

He has a penchant for separating his right shoulder and he likes long walks on the beach at sunset.

He’ll fit right in and we’ll all have a great time.

Dave

Day of Purpose #10

Today we remember the duel in the sun from 2005.

On the Firecliff course at Desert Willow, it was a team match: Sandoval and Hernandez against Angelo and Deboe. The match was played straight up, with no strokes given.

That was the first problem. On one side, we had two part-times, Sandoval and Hernandez. These guys are both better than average athletes, but they play golf only a few times a year. Sandoval takes divots the size of pie plates (and that’s with his driver) and Hernandez did some serious sand-moving on Desert Willow that day (we have it all on video). On the other team we’ve got David Deboe, who sports a single digit handicap and knows more about swingweights and forging methods than the head guy at Taylor Made. We’ve also got Ted Angelo, the only member of our twelvesome who’s a member at a private course. And for good measure, it’s not just one private course, but two.

This match should have been a landslide. The Sandandez team should have gone down quicker than a white guy in a heavyweight fight. Anboe should have won going away. What really happened is that, according to the official records maintained in my files, Anboe won by one lousy stroke. And you should have been there the day it happened to see how much jockeying there was about the scores. Pencil erasers and epithets were flying. Ted was questioned about his ability to do simple arithmetic. Deboe was called a son of a motherless goat by one of the Sandandez fans. The hooligans in the stands were restless and there was bloodshed in the streets of Belfast that night.

In the end, I think everyone agreed that the match was a draw, but for team Anboe, it was a crushing loss, from which one of the participants has not yet recovered, since he won’t be joining us in the desert this year to defend his "title".

Have a good evening.

Montecore

Day of Purpose #9

Today, I want to tell you a story about a man who has his priorities straight. A man from whom we can all learn a lesson. A man so committed to his friends and an ideal called the golf trip that as I write this, tears are falling on my keyboard.

This man has a wife whose birthday is June 2. This man has a child whose Open House at School is on June 2 this year. This man has another child who just yesterday made the All Star team as a rookie. This man was begged by the league to coach that team. The All Star tournament happens to be June second, third, and fourth.

So I ask you now, what do you think this man did when he found out about all this stuff? A lesser man might have said, “Sorry guys, but things have come up and I’m out of the trip.” Or, “My family needs me and I should be there for them.” Or, “My daughter has a ballet recital on Wednesday and I’m playing golf on June 5 and I have to get ready for my anniversary cruise the second weekend in June, so I can’t go. Plus, I really didn’t want to go anyway.”

No, this man simply said, “I’m still in. I made a commitment and I’ll keep it.”

Those are the kind of men we need on this golf trip. So when you see Scott Rojas in the desert this June, look him in the eye, shake his hand, and say “Thanks for coming to Palm Springs.”

Next year, the trip will be the second weekend in June, not the first, so that Scott can spend time with his family. If Michelle lets him back into the house after this year’s trip.

Montecore

Day of Purpose #8

From the epilogue in one of Rick Reilly’s books (Missing Links), about a guy struggling to figure himself out and play competitive golf at the same time – a pretty tall order.


I still love the game . . . I learned to love the shot I’m hitting right now and not brood about the one that came before it.

I found out I don’t need to break 70 every day to love it and once I figured that out, I stopped needing to tie my 9-iron to a rope behind my car to punish it quite as often.

I love golf for all the times when it’s just the twilight and you and the crunch of your spikes on the fall leaves. I love it for the walk you get down the middle of the fairway after you pipe one or the way you get to hold your putter in your hand for 200 yards after you starch a 3-iron dead on the middle center groove. I love it for all the times you get to watch your ball fall against pink-and-purple skies.

I found golf is a lot like life. Sometimes you’re dancing and sometimes you’re in the gunch and it’s all your own doing. Nobody threw you a yellow-hammer curve or a fastball at the knees, or put overspin on a killer serve or threw a great block or fed you a perfect pass. Not your worthy opponent. Not your therapist. Not your wife. Not your inner child. Not your father.

Day of Purpose #6

A little long, but very poetic. Guaranteed to make your wife weak in the knees (if she looks like Rene Russo).

Thanks to Lachman for the suggestion.




"What Is The Golf Swing?"
by Roy McAvoy

I think of the golf swing as a poem.

The opening phrase of this
poem will always be the grip.

The hands unite to form a single
unit by the simple overlap of the...

...little finger.

Lowly and slowly...

...the club head is led back, pulled
into position not by the hands,

...but the body, which turns
away from the target,

...shifting weight to the right side
without shifting balance.

Tempo is all, perfection unattainable,
as at the top of the swing...

...there's a hesitation,
a little nod to the gods.

A nod to the gods?

To the gods that he is fallible.

That perfection is unattainable.



Weight shifts to the left pulled
by the powers in the earth...

...it's alive, this swing,
and a sculpture...

...and down through contact...

...striking the ball crisply...

...with character.



A tuning fork goes off in
your heart, your balls...

...such a pure feeling is
the well-struck golf shot.

Then the follow-through to finish...

...always on line.

The reverse-C of the Golden Bear...

...the steelworkers' power and
the brawn of Carl Sandburg's...

...Arnold Palmer!

And the unfinished symphony of...

...Roy McAvoy.



What's unfinished?

I have a short follow-through.
It has an unfinished look.

Why?

Some say it's the easiest way to
play in the winds of west Texas...

...some say it's because I never
finished anything in my life.



You can decide. But the point is...

...every finishing position is unique.

That's what the golf swing's about.

It's about gaining control
of your life and...

...letting go at the same time.



There's only one other acceptable
theory about how to hit the ball.

Grip it and rip it.

Day of Purpose #7

Memories of our favorite course – Shadow Ridge – and the best shot we’ve seen hit there – a near ace on #17 by the Bull.

Day of Purpose #5 - The Golf Trip Tradition Almost Ends

The exchange that took place 45 seconds after this picture was snapped almost brought our trips to an end. Here’s a recap

Date: Friday, June 4, 2004, 11:13 a.m.
Location: Hole 17, TPC Stadium Course at PGA West

Brian, after somehow getting the ball to stay on the tee even with Scott taking pictures of and ogling his rear end (Brokeback foreshadowing), half-shanked his tee shot into the water. Here’s the exchange:

Brian, with a scowl on his face and obvious anger in his voice: “It’s pretty hard to hit a shot listening to camera beeps going off in your downswing!”
Scott, offended and possibly embarrassed at being caught looking at another man’s can: “You’ve been listening to it for three years now!”
White Tiger, stepping into the gap as the Rodney King-like peacemaker and with a fake tear in his eye: “Come on guys, can’t we just all get along”

The rest of the story:
Brian eventually admitted that his hands were a little sweaty and that he was taking his frustration out on his comrades. Scott thanked Brian for not grabbing his camera and throwing it in the lake, Steve Williams style. Deboe, on his way to a 98 that round, then hit his tee shot in the water to make Brian feel better. Scott caved in to peer pressure and put at least one ball in the water from the tee at 17. He then made a solid bogey on 18 to post a 108. One player in the foursome, serene in the midst of all the hostility and pressure, hit the green and two putted for par. Who was that? You can guess, but I’ll give you a clue, from Matthew 5:9: Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.

Have a good weekend.

Day of Purpose #4

One of my favorite quotes, from Grantland Rice. It was in the Bobby Jones movie and Rice could have been thinking about him when he wrote it. He was a founding member of Augusta National.

“For when the one great scorer comes, to write against your name, he writes – not that you won or lost – but how you played the game.”

Below is Jones at Maniac Hill, Pinehurst, North Carolina. Horton Smith, the first Masters champion is watching on the right. My favorite picture of Jones playing golf.

Day of Purpose #3

The Sound Of Silence
P. Simon, 1964
Hello darkness, my old friend

I've come to talk with you again

Because a vision softly creeping

Left its seeds while I was sleeping

And the vision that was planted in my brain

Still remains

Within the sound of silence


The quiet Italian left-hander has pulled out of the trip. I’ll be looking to replace the irreplaceable.

Day of Purpose #2

Frank Chirkinian, who ran CBS’s coverage of the Masters for many years, had this quote about a new private club he set up in Florida. I’m taking the quote as my own and I’m saying it about our trip:

“We want good guys first, golfers second. I don’t care if a guy is a 30 handicap as long as he has nothing but a smile on his face and good things to say about life. I’d rather have that than some guy who’s an ass with a lot of money, a single digit handicap, and a chip on his shoulder. If we’re going to have attitude [on this trip], it’ll be mine.”

April 24, 2006 - Days of Purpose begin

Today marks about the 40th day out from the golf trip, so we’re starting the 40 days of purpose today. Unless I screw up, you’ll get something from me every day to help you grow and improve as a person and a golfer.

Some of these things might be related to golf, but some might not.

The first day’s message is relevant because we’re going to be staying together for four long days, so even though you might not think it applies to the golf trip, it does. Plus, it’s the funniest e-mail I’ve ever gotten.

First, here’s a picture of a good golf swing at Cimarron three years ago, a course we’ll never play again because they can’t keep groups on schedule. They’re also extremely anti-Semitic there.

Dave




> > HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN: > >



1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror-make mental note-must do more sit-ups.

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it has all come off).

11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.

12. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.

13. Turn off shower.

14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit, tweeze hairs.

17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed area and then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.



> > > HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN > > > >

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, make the "woo-woo" sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (not). Admire yourself in the mirror and scratch your butt.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).

6. Wash your face.

7. Wash your armpits.

8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.

9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.

10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area.

11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.

12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).

13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.

15. Pee (in the shower)

16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.

17. Partially dry off.

18.Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles.

19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.

20. Leave bathroom fan and light on.

21. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel and make the "woo-woo" sound again.

22. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.